Sunday, February 24, 2013

Wanted: CHASER

After chugging down a bottle of Bacardi or a shot of the famed Patron Tequila, one needs something to soothe that burning sensation in the throat. Hence, the 'chaser' was born.

I lost track of how it came to this but with all the things that are being forced down my throat right now, I am likewise in dire need of a chaser.

Coming from a family of heavy drinkers and chain smokers, I grew up seeing most of my family members drink HABITUALLY. My grandmother, an octogenarian (she's 82) still gets her weekly stash of beer by bulk. Her house is no less than a grocery store as it gets a weekly visit from the town's leading beer supplier. Drinking was not just her habit, it was her lifestyle.

Growing up knowing and occasionally living with people like her inevitably got me accustomed to drinking as well.

I can ingest several kegs of beer... but here's the thing: what are currently being shoved down my throat are not as tolerable as beer. They are as hard as bourbon and scotch. They have the likes of Black and Blue Labels put together. They appear very potent and seem more intoxicating than stone and weed.

Things are getting harder by the second. I tried to be invincible and I'm proud to say that it has been working so far. However, I think I already had my fill. I will soon be found wasted if I will not address this intoxication at once.

I can no longer endure these flames.
I must extinguish the fire.
I need a chaser.

My once-peaceful mind has gone to ruin. I used to think that the worst feeling in the world is losing someone. I was wrong. The worst thing feeling in the world is realizing you've lost yourself. Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger to my own self and I am often left with questions.

"Why did I say that?"
"Why did I do that?"
"Why do I feel this way?"
"How did it come to this?"

All these, and several others crowd my mind at once. Not to mention, the regular matters that I'm fretting about on a daily basis.

YES, I am as tired as fuck (there, I said it) and what's worse is the fact that I can't even slow down. I just can't afford to step on the brakes. It will be unfair. It will be unfair to all the people who rely on me, who have faith in me, those who have been rooting for me all this time.

Disappointing my loved ones was never in my to-do list-- the one and only reason why quitting was crossed out of the options.

NEVER in my entire life did I ask the Almighty to give me a lighter load. I simply asked for a stronger back.

Having that in mind, I am still under the belief that I can surpass this phase of my life but I can only do so if I channel the right resources.

Who said anything about taking a break? I don't need a break. What I need is a helping hand. If I find the right chaser, all of these will go down smoothly like silk.

Sadly, however, I am still on the process of figuring out what (or who) that chaser would be. I just close my eyes tightly every night, praying and wishing for it to come.

When all else fails, I will always have hope.

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