Wanted: CHASER

After chugging down a bottle of Bacardi or a shot of the famed Patron Tequila, one needs something to soothe that burning sensation in the throat. Hence, the 'chaser' was born.

I lost track of how it came to this but with all the things that are being forced down my throat right now, I am likewise in dire need of a chaser.

Coming from a family of heavy drinkers and chain smokers, I grew up seeing most of my family members drink HABITUALLY. My grandmother, an octogenarian (she's 82) still gets her weekly stash of beer by bulk. Her house is no less than a grocery store as it gets a weekly visit from the town's leading beer supplier. Drinking was not just her habit, it was her lifestyle.

Growing up knowing and occasionally living with people like her inevitably got me accustomed to drinking as well.

I can ingest several kegs of beer... but here's the thing: what are currently being shoved down my throat are not as tolerable as beer. They are as hard as bourbon and scotch. They have the likes of Black and Blue Labels put together. They appear very potent and seem more intoxicating than stone and weed.

Things are getting harder by the second. I tried to be invincible and I'm proud to say that it has been working so far. However, I think I already had my fill. I will soon be found wasted if I will not address this intoxication at once.

I can no longer endure these flames.
I must extinguish the fire.
I need a chaser.

My once-peaceful mind has gone to ruin. I used to think that the worst feeling in the world is losing someone. I was wrong. The worst thing feeling in the world is realizing you've lost yourself. Sometimes I feel like I am a stranger to my own self and I am often left with questions.

"Why did I say that?"
"Why did I do that?"
"Why do I feel this way?"
"How did it come to this?"

All these, and several others crowd my mind at once. Not to mention, the regular matters that I'm fretting about on a daily basis.

YES, I am as tired as fuck (there, I said it) and what's worse is the fact that I can't even slow down. I just can't afford to step on the brakes. It will be unfair. It will be unfair to all the people who rely on me, who have faith in me, those who have been rooting for me all this time.

Disappointing my loved ones was never in my to-do list-- the one and only reason why quitting was crossed out of the options.

NEVER in my entire life did I ask the Almighty to give me a lighter load. I simply asked for a stronger back.

Having that in mind, I am still under the belief that I can surpass this phase of my life but I can only do so if I channel the right resources.

Who said anything about taking a break? I don't need a break. What I need is a helping hand. If I find the right chaser, all of these will go down smoothly like silk.

Sadly, however, I am still on the process of figuring out what (or who) that chaser would be. I just close my eyes tightly every night, praying and wishing for it to come.

When all else fails, I will always have hope.

Hot and cold

You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down <--- basically="" br="" it="" sums="" this="" up.="">
I am known to my family and closest friends as one of the most patient people ever. I am sorry to disappoint them because it will not stay this way for long. The threshold of my patience is already brimming because the current situation is simply too much for any sane person to tolerate.

I easily get irritated by people who just can't make up their minds. Being a fickle-minded girl is one, but being an indecisive bitch is just too much.

I think it all goes back to how a person was reared. As what I have learned in Sociology, we unconsciously adapt our parents' ways and attitude. That's how culture works. If a person was taught how to be decisive as a child, he remains to be decisive until his dying days.

Parents, being every child's first teacher, have the responsibility of teaching kids about right and wrong. They are the frontrunners of inculcating the right values to their children's hearts and minds.

Furthermore, if a person does something wrong, the blame may go all the way back to his parents for not teaching him the right values.

I'm not washing my bloody hands. I mean, no one is perfect but among the myriad of things my parents taught me, I must say I owe them a lot for teaching me how to stand firm for my decisions. I mean what I say and I say what I mean.

Black is black. White is white. There can never be black and white at the same time.

But then again, as much as I would like it to be, not everybody is like me. There are really people who nod when they're not supposed to nod. There are people who smile and act like everything is okay when the truth is that they are already freaking out.

It doesn't make sense. Why don't they speak up? We were all given free will to be able to make decisions on our own. Yes, there times that will require our compliance and obedience but it must not reach the point when our principles are already being trampled on.

One word: FIGHT.

I would rather take the risk of being humiliated and ridiculed than choosing to holding my peace forever. I don't want to spend sleepless nights wallowing in regrets. I dont want to keep on twitching on my bed during unholy hours, thinking of the what ifs.

But then again, this is me. I am not the problem.

I am concerned about "other people" whose indecisiveness is already affecting other people's perception, not to mention, their efficiency.

I think the problem is not knowing what they really want, themselves. If only they can figure it out soon, we can all start working for its achievement and or completion. Not that we all resort to a trial and error method which is just a waste of effort, money and most all, time.

Just saying... And yes, PUN INTENDED

The flash

I remember so vividly when my sister and I were in Hong Kong Oceanpark two years ago and she begged me to try one of the most death-defying rides with her- The Flash. The ride will literally hurl its riders up in the air and with Isaac Newton's Law of Interaction, the twisting seats will eventually go back to the ground.

The Flash: a death-defying experience. 

Hearing the screams from riders up in the air scared the hell out of me so I offered to stay behind and take care of my sister's belongings instead. I even took out my SLR and offered to take photos of her. She refused.

She insisted that I join her and even pointed out an intrepid Malaysian senior citizen who was waiting patiently in line, eager to have her turn to try the ride. Besides, my sister wanted me to sit beside her because she wanted to hold my hand when she will be frightened during the ride. How could I refuse?

Before I knew it, we were strapped to the chairs and geared up to be thrown and twisted 50 meters above the ground just for "the heck of it!" After all, we bought a 'Ride All' ticket so might as well avail of everything there is to avail.

The thought of the experience still gives me such a rush!

After the ride, I must say I am a brand new person. Maybe that is the purpose of our life's ups and downs. The highs and lows take us to a deeper understanding of our purpose in life. There are times when we might feel a little "scaredy cat-ish" only to find out that what we thought was scary is actually just a piece of cake.

I am currently in the point of my life where I am once again challenged by my courage, not to mention, my faith. Nevertheless, I am not worried. In fact, I am confident that this is just another The Flash experience.

No matter how intimidating these undertakings and people appear to be, I am under the notion that all these are good for me. They will facilitate me immensely to become a better person. I just might laugh at all these a few months from now. Besides, I know God will never give me anything I can't handle so there's really no use to stressing myself out.