Seamless change

I need fixing. There I said it.

I have goals that are very important to me: getting in shape, having my own business, getting married, the list can go on… but the inertia of life keeps holding me back.

Being the free-spirited person that I am, I have been breezing through life all this time, chasing after every temporary high. I treated every problem, no matter how burdensome, as a walk in the park.

I have been doing it all wrong. It just took too long for me to figure out.

I have been settling for fleeting happiness despite being aware that I should know better. I mean, there's nothing wrong with living in the moment but I guess a little self-preservation would do me justice.

I have no idea what jolted me. What matters is the fact that I have woken up from a long nightmare. I think it's never too late to reinvent myself.

I hate to brag but what the hell, here it goes: I HAVE REALLY GOOD TASTE. In fact, my taste was good enough that I was able to tell that what I was doing was a disappointment to myself. It was not what I wanted it to be. I knew it fell short.

I've been having those 'I dreamed a dream' moments (I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living, so different now from what it seemed) then it hit me; maybe some people never really get past that phase so they just decide to go with it or simply settle for less than what they truly deserve.

I imposed upon myself an ultimatum that I will not be one of those people. At some point, we need to be brave and execute an internal pull. We should be able to point out exactly what we like and don't like, furthermore, who we love and who we despise.

It can be a real challenge, though. I know how hard it is to work up the guts to try something new. Surely, nobody wants to feel stupid and start from scratch all over again. Life, however, is an ongoing process of trial and error. You do it, and keep doing it until you get it right. It's hard work but it's worth the try. Even the most deplorable mistakes beats the hell out of never trying.

Nobody will praise you for it and most people might judge you but who cares?

It's true what they say, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." Hence, it will help if we keep our eyes on the prize and remember the things that got us interested with the game in the first place.

It is, however, normal to take a while. I know it took me a long while.

Realizing that I'm not getting any younger changed a lot of things. I should stop believing the illusion that I'm still the same blithe, whimsical teenager I used to be a couple of years ago. I'm past that phase. I should start working for my long-term life goals. 

It's time to flee the dysfunctional life I've been living in for several years now. It's time to invest on a gym membership, get that much-coveted master's degree and yes, commit to a serious relationship.

I am clever enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself. It's not something to be so massively ashamed of.

I know who I am, I know what I want and I will not be stopped.