My Sweetest Downfall

The most challenging, honorable occupation anyone can ever have is the job of a mother. Doctors, lawyers, and teachers have no say to what mothers can do.

My mom is a superwoman because she is not merely the woman who bore me out into this world but she is the encapsulation of all the other occupations. She is a doctor, for nursing my wounds from knee scrapes to guileless paper cuts, a lawyer, for defending my side whenever I pick a fight, a teacher who aids as I cram for my exams and a nanny for attending to my needs.

a photo of me and mama during my 18th birthday

I remember one time when my mom and dad had a big fight; my mom told me that no matter how much agony dad was giving her, she never regretted having married him because by marrying him, she gained the two most precious gifts- me and my sister. She may not say it but I know in my heart that her children are her number one priority.

You may have read in my preceding posts of how I despise my mom and how she makes my life a living hell. The truth is, I just hate her because I hate myself. I hate myself for falling so short of her expectations. So since its Mother’s Day today, here is a letter I wrote for her:

Dear Mama,

I’m sorry for all the times I answered you back and for thinking that my opinions are more important than yours. Thank you, Mama for being my inspiration. I may not tell you that I love you everyday but I know you know that my love for you is as unconditional as yours to me.

That is why sometimes I am ashamed of what I have become because people might think that you didn’t raise me well when the truth is you did a very great job. You never failed to warn me about all of life’s complexities. You and Papa worked hard to send me to the best schools and provide me with my needs and most of my wants.

I grew up to be a very strong person for having been surpassed all of those trials over the years. Whatever it may be, I am confident that I’ll get through it but when it comes to you and I, I am suddenly debilitated because you are my sweetest downfall. Whenever we fight, the hurt that I feel is twice as much as when I have fights with random people. Maybe because other people can never hurt me the way my loved ones can. It’s always the people closest to my heart who cause me the most excruciating pain. It ridicules me on what started the aloofness that’s continuing to happen between the two of us. How can two people, who love each other so unconditionally possibly, end up in a fight? But no matter what the bases and the consequences are, I know that we remain to love each other mutually, a love which is far beyond words.

No amount of THANK YOU can suffice for everything that you sacrificed for me. I know that you could have bought some of the things that you dreadfully wanted but you didn’t because you were thinking of me and my sister’s welfare.

I promise you this: SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU PROUD.

I love you, Mama. Happy Mother’s Day.

How I wish I was fearless enough to not just publish it here but give this to her personally but to no avail because I’m reluctant and I don’t want to go through the melodramatic scene. 

Despite all the drama, I still consider my mom as the most important person in my life, even more important than my dad. She is my idol because she is the epitome of a superwoman.

All I am and all I ought to be I owe it to my mom.

by far the happiest photo I have with my mom,
 and needless to say, my favorite

PS: Sorry… Late post. I’ve been a busy bee.