What dreams are made of

          When I was younger, I fancied visualizing myself being a very successful entrepreneur- a multi-millionaire. I daydreamed of being an office executive if not of my own firm, a leading corporation in the country.  I always craved to have a job much coveted and envied by many others. I imagined myself wearing top-of-the-line apparel, probably an Oscar de la Renta dress, a Balenciaga bag and a pair of Louboutins on my heels. And as a stepping stone, I took up Mass Communication.

          I figured it to be the best choice among the courses offered at the school of my choice. I initially wanted to take up Hospitality Management just so that I wouldn’t have to burden myself with all the memorization and all that jazz but my dad was successful in talking me out of it, saying that it is only a course for people with narrow mental capacity. No offense to those taking up HM but that’s what my dad really said. So, I took up MassComm a.k.a AB Communication because people said that it is the course with the least number of Math subjects and I liked that! I mean, who loves Math anyway, Rene Descartes? Screw him!

          At first I didn’t really know if I made the right decision of taking up this course but when the screening came, I felt like I was really born to be a MC student after all, having been able to be a part of the top10. But that wasn’t the end of it, I walked through hell as I took up the major subjects when I was in my sophomore year and now that I am already on my junior year, everything seems to be tougher each time.

          I didn’t really picture myself to be where I am today. I am currently the editor-in-chief of our school paper, at the same time the station manager or our radio station in school and above all, the event manager for our annual MassComm awards night to be held this March. To say that I’m busy will be a huge understatement because ‘busy’ cannot suffice to define my physical and mental state today. Is this what dreams are made of? I am actually terrified of the possibility that my responsibilities might devour me and turn me into a sloppy bitch. I certainly hope not. Nevertheless, I can say that so far I am surviving, more like enduring with the assistance of my staff that is laudable to have the initiatives of doing their responsibilities with flying colors. I feel so blessed to have them because all I have to do is just follow up.

          I don’t mean to be such a braggart but I can proudly say that I’m quite good in all of the balancing that’s going on. I have been juggling school duties, social networking, family life, self-wellness and not to mention, the occasional dating with random guys. This is life!

          Although several days attack me at once, I still strive to take it one day at a time. Hearing the alarm every morning is a benediction. Come to think of it, when you are busy, it only means that you are needed. It would be a bore if you are idle. As what my blog title says, “Idle minds covet evil thoughts”.

          Time flies so fast. In a year, I will be graduating and I will be set out there in the real world where I would have to do everything for myself. I am extremely troubled when I think about the future because as of now, I haven’t decided where I would want to be- where I want to work. Yes, I’m sure there are numerous job vacancies out there and applying is not a problem. The problem is where I would want to be. I really hope that before the year ends, I’ll finally be able to see myself in a definitive ‘somewhere’.

           So, yes, life is a constant battle. I’m making myself believe that the everyday endeavors of my life are stepping stones to reaching my dreams. No matter how busy I am and no matter how worse it could possibly get, at the end of the day when I lie alone in my bed, I thank God because not everybody gets a chance to live for one more day.  

           It’s all a part of a grander plan that’s going to happen and yes, this is what dreams are made of.

Recognition

          Upon hearing the word recognition, most of you would perhaps think of awards, certificates and medals like that of a graduation ceremony or some sort of a concluding recognition rite that we used to have when we were in grade school. But no, that’s not what I mean. According to my BFF, Merriam-Webster, the meaning of recognition is “recognizing what is present”. I have been guilty of denying or shall I say, disregarding the presence of a lot of things all these years.

I always said that my life is an unlived life, that I have never really accomplished something that can be considered as a milestone and I may not have anything to share to my grandchildren someday. I always complain about my mom who nags me to death and about school which gives me hell all the time. However, two days ago, I was enlightened. What I see are only the imperfections and I haven’t really been paying attention to what I have. I don’t recognize the blessings.

This morning when I woke up, I opened a text message from my dad saying that he was already at the airport and that he didn’t bother waking me up to say goodbye. My mom was also gone because she had to go somewhere out-of-town and my sister already left for school. I was alone, as always.

I should have set the alarm to wake me up at 5:00 so that I could have said goodbye to the most important man in my life, my dad, who has been my number one fan when it comes to everything. He would support me in all of my aspirations even when some of them are just so downright impossible. He gave in when I was a child to put a seesaw at our backyard so that I could play with it and now that I’m already a teenager, I asked him for a pole for dancing in my room, he also said yes although I’m gonna have to wait for it. He would be my number one cheerleader from afar, always telling me that I could do it and that if ever I don’t, his love for me wouldn’t be diminished. I love my dad. And I blame myself for not having spent much time with him when he was here for the holidays. I failed to recognize his efforts for working his ass off to fund my needs or sometimes, just my whims.

It’s not just that. As an insatiable being, I would ask for so many things. I remember when I was younger when I complained because not all of my godparents would remember me during the Christmas Season. I would whine and even curse their names for not having given me gifts. This year, I didn’t ask for any gifts but I was showered with a lot. Yes, I received a lot of material gifts of different sorts- clothes, shoes, cash, et. Al. But it’s the intangible gifts that count to me the most- the gift of love, family, friendship, and the wisdom to be able to appreciate all of these.

I am so blessed to be where I am today- in a very conducive room, lying at a very comfortable bed, pounding the keyboard of my laptop to write about all of these. If I keep the attitude of being discontented with all that I have, I will forever be hungry for more- unsatisfied, ungrateful. However, I also believe that wanting to have more will serve as an inspiration to be thriving. So I stand at the bridge between both.

Even now that I am home, left alone by the rest of my family members, I recognize this as a blessing in disguise. See, I would not have realized all of these if I wasn’t left home alone. Still, the key remains to be recognition.