Liberty is mine

Who’d have thought that gift-wrapping could bring a plethora of realizations?

This afternoon when I was trying to keep myself sidetracked from the pain caused by my growing wisdom tooth, I locked myself in my room and I decided to wrap some presents. I played some soft music as I tried to reminisce and think about the recent decisions that I’ve made.

I have been a very indecisive person lately. Today it’s yes, tomorrow it’s no. So just today I broke up with my bf.

At the onset, I realized that the word ‘love’ is often confused with the word ‘like’. We say ‘I love you although what we actually mean is ‘I like you’. It’s unfair because ‘like’ is not enough. Some people say that we must take every single chance we get to be in a relationship because whether or not we end up with that person in the end, at least we learn. I agree. We should value small relationships because they are stepping stones for the main one. But not to the point that every time you enter into a new relationship, your main objective is learning. C’mon! You must at least think long-term. I know I did but it just didn’t work.

Second, I’m better off alone. I mean, not entirely alone as in solitary and introverted but alone as in single. My friends are more than enough to keep me going. Sometimes I even feel like I don’t deserve to have such friends. It makes me believe that sometime in my 19 years of existence; I must have done something really good to have been given such priceless gems. They give unsolicited but noteworthy advices. They delight in my convolution but not to the point that they tolerate my wickedness. That’s what they are. They are the siblings that God forgot to give to me so he sent them as friends instead.

Lastly, I don’t want to be pinned down. Let’s face it; I can really be a bitch sometimes. I know that this rationale is just undisputedly invalid. I just don’t want to hurt someone just because I do the things that I love to do. What if I like to kiss strangers? I’d rather mingle with the company of other men than voluntarily put a leash on my neck. After all, I am just a teenager. It’s too early to stress myself about the yucky love stuff.

But wait; don’t think that I made a hasty decision of having a break up right after wrapping the presents. It’s also one of the things that I learned- that every decision must be an outcome of a deliberation; and that all risks must be calculated. These three are just the key points or more like a summary of what I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks and now I finally break my silence, realizing that everything needs a meticulous explanation. Gee-whiz! Now I feel like I'm such a smart ass. 

And all these things I realized while wrapping presents.