Liberty is mine

Who’d have thought that gift-wrapping could bring a plethora of realizations?

This afternoon when I was trying to keep myself sidetracked from the pain caused by my growing wisdom tooth, I locked myself in my room and I decided to wrap some presents. I played some soft music as I tried to reminisce and think about the recent decisions that I’ve made.

I have been a very indecisive person lately. Today it’s yes, tomorrow it’s no. So just today I broke up with my bf.

At the onset, I realized that the word ‘love’ is often confused with the word ‘like’. We say ‘I love you although what we actually mean is ‘I like you’. It’s unfair because ‘like’ is not enough. Some people say that we must take every single chance we get to be in a relationship because whether or not we end up with that person in the end, at least we learn. I agree. We should value small relationships because they are stepping stones for the main one. But not to the point that every time you enter into a new relationship, your main objective is learning. C’mon! You must at least think long-term. I know I did but it just didn’t work.

Second, I’m better off alone. I mean, not entirely alone as in solitary and introverted but alone as in single. My friends are more than enough to keep me going. Sometimes I even feel like I don’t deserve to have such friends. It makes me believe that sometime in my 19 years of existence; I must have done something really good to have been given such priceless gems. They give unsolicited but noteworthy advices. They delight in my convolution but not to the point that they tolerate my wickedness. That’s what they are. They are the siblings that God forgot to give to me so he sent them as friends instead.

Lastly, I don’t want to be pinned down. Let’s face it; I can really be a bitch sometimes. I know that this rationale is just undisputedly invalid. I just don’t want to hurt someone just because I do the things that I love to do. What if I like to kiss strangers? I’d rather mingle with the company of other men than voluntarily put a leash on my neck. After all, I am just a teenager. It’s too early to stress myself about the yucky love stuff.

But wait; don’t think that I made a hasty decision of having a break up right after wrapping the presents. It’s also one of the things that I learned- that every decision must be an outcome of a deliberation; and that all risks must be calculated. These three are just the key points or more like a summary of what I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks and now I finally break my silence, realizing that everything needs a meticulous explanation. Gee-whiz! Now I feel like I'm such a smart ass. 

And all these things I realized while wrapping presents. 

Screeeeam!

Oftentimes we scream during the creepiest, happiest, most dreadful incidents of our lives. We scream whenever we see our crush pass by the corridor. We scream when we see a cockroach.  We scream when we are enraged with all the destitutions life is giving us. But haven’t we thought of all those who just put up a smile and just scream deep down inside?

I honestly think that I still have a hung over on what we discussed in our DevComm class a week ago. My group presented a series of “give me a voice” advocacies and those became my drive to write about screaming.

Today I just wanted to scream but I couldn’t. I was timid and I started to think about all those who are possibly in the same situation as I am. I’m not saying that my ideas are suppressed or anything. It’s just that there are things that I want to say but I just couldn’t. Maybe it’s because there are some things that are needed to be kept inside the closet. Like for example, my pride. It’s all I have. Even the simple of act of saying sorry is an ordeal for me.

I really wanted to be a catalyst and advocate some changes to a lot of things. See, I am a fault-finder. I pass speedy judgment on almost everything I find erroneous or peculiar and I would really want to think aloud. But to no avail because I know that not all my motives are considered valid. In fact, some of them are just deplorable hoaxes. Nevertheless, my opinions matter a lot to me as much as it should to other people. But the sad reality is that no one cares. It’s horrifying. It’s like watching those fury animals getting killed in Discovery Channel.

My aunt once told me to voice out all my sentiments to avoid heart attacks. Come to think of it, you wouldn’t want yourself to be like that of a water-filled dam. Once full, you detonate and cause severe damage.

My solution for positive catharsis is sublimation. We should sidetrack our negative feelings to do other worthwhile actions to distract ourselves from breaking into an outrage. Instead of screaming at the top of our lungs, why don’t we just read a good book, watch a feel-good movie or perhaps clean up the mess in our rooms? That way we are able to get rid of the negativity plus we are able to do something worthwhile.


I'm not saying that we keep quiet in the corner and stop fighting for our rights. I'm just advocating for diminutive damage. For several times I have provoked other people for having offended me or any of my friends. Yes, I can be your best friend but I can also be a bitch when provoked. So, to all my detractors out there, brace yourselves. LOL, Just kidding! I have said really harsh words to some people over the years but now is the time to change that. There are a hundred ways of solving problems instead of breaking loose and screaming. I strongly believe that nothing can't be solved by a good conversation. If you have problems with a particular person, talk to him. 

After all, screaming doesn’t do you any good and it will only put a dent to your tonsils. Comical but true. 

give me 12

I really don’t get it why other people blame their emotional pains to their heart.

Every time they feel emotionally hurt- may be a breakup from a romantic relationship or a major family setback, it all boils down to a single thing- they coin it as a ‘heart break’. Why do they even label it as a heart break when the heart is just an innocent muscle, doing its sole job of pumping blood for respiration? It’s insane, isn’t it?

By definition, a heart is a muscular organ with a circulatory system that is responsible for pumping blood throughout the blood vessels by repeated, rhythmic contractions. I don’t see it anywhere in the definition that it is caught up in any possible way of taking charge of our emotions. It is the brain which does that. Thinking, decision making and even loving are just some of the utilities of our brain. 

My Psychology teacher once told us that when we are in love, the sensation is felt and being cultivated in the deepest part of our hypothalamus. So, instead of saying, “I love you from the bottom of my heart”, just say “I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus.” I know it sounds hilarious but it is based on scientific facts. I can’t help but remember a couple years back when a giant zit had grown on my forehead and some of my relatives teased or more like accused me of being in love- all because of the zit. I mean, how can science explain that?! Unless they come up with an justification saying that love is now equated with growing zits, I would perhaps start to believe but as of now, there’s no way I will.

As for the heart break part, I have a slight idea on the underlying principle on why it’s dubbed what it is- a heart break. Of course, when we get emotionally impaired and eventually burst into tears, it comes to a point when we find it difficult to breath. There was one instance in my life when I cried so hard that my eyes didn’t look like the typical human eyes anymore. They were sore. I cried a lot, consuming several packs of tissue. And mind you, this information is not fictitious. If only you were there to witness that moment, you would probably find me as the feeblest person in the world because I was seemingly pathetic and hopeless. And yes, the mere act of breathing was an ordeal for me. You would probably say, “Omigod! Somebody please sedate her!”  We cry so hard until we feel like our heart or our whole circulatory system finds it hard to allow us to breathe. Maybe that’s why it’s called a heart break because it hurts to a great extent that we feel like our heart is going to break into pieces. It makes sense.

Now why am I telling you about these things? Simply put that I have just gone through one of the most painstakingly difficult situations in my life where I had to choose between the good and the good. It’s a dilemma, I know. I went to the bathroom and drowned myself in tears for 12 minutes. That’s all it takes for me to sober up- 12 minutes. I actually got this philosophy from one of my closest friends who told me that anything emotional only lasts for 12 minutes and the succeeding minutes after that are already considered as self-inflicted. I used to cry over petty things for hours and I finally came to my senses that crying for hours is foolish. For one, you get to bring up even the most irrelevant things and two; you might get dehydrated with all the amount of liquid coming out of your system. So I considered the 12-minute philosophy when it comes to crying.

Without a doubt, our emotions escort us to do the most impulsive things. Emotions can fetch us laughter or could pilot us to tears. What’s anomalous is that we often blame our heart for every single emotion that we feel. Or if a person is a little bit knowledgeable about Anatomy and Psychology, he or she could transpose the blame from the heart to the brain or the hypothalamus. But for crying out loud, please stop blaming your body parts for having caused you excruciating pain! It is certainly not their fault.

Shopping, anyone?

Bo Derek once said, “Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.”

Are you ready to hear the ramblings of my idle mind? Brace yourself because the “shopping” that I’m referring to doesn’t refer to your typical connotation of shopping.

So recently I have been engrossed with all these journalistic stuff as the production of our school paper is finally looming its closing stages. It’s funny how I thought it would be over soon but then I have just been informed that after we finish the tabloid, we will be doing another one- a newsletter. I was like, “Great!” with that said in much disdain. In the past days, I have written numerous- and I mean a cornucopia of articles- news, feature, column, editorial, sports? Name it! It even reached the point where I had to give my bylines to some of my classmates just so that our paper wouldn’t look like 50% Kamille. No kidding. So each day for the last two weeks I wake up, grab a cup of coffee, and rush to the layout artist/printing press. I eat my meals (breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner) there like it’s my residence, or ours, with my fellow editors for that matter. Good thing the place is very well ventilated and the WiFi is commendable. So last night when we were having dinner, we talked about shopping.

Shopping is easy, isn’t it?

Hold your horses.

How about shopping for sex?

A friend of mine told me that he once rode a cab with the cab driver complaining so relentlessly. He said that a young couple (wearing their school uniform) just called him to pick them up at a famous motel. And there they were, they just had sex.  Another friend also confessed seeing a teenage couple buying condoms at a local mall. Yes, in public, and again, wearing their school uniform.

This is another sad reality. This shows us that nowadays, it is damn effortless to shop for sex. I mean, all you have to do is just turn on your computer, use the webcam and I’m sure you know what happens next. You can also try texting anonymous people and do meet-ups. Another alternative is to cater to the needs of your partner.

I had a friend who engages in premarital sex with her boyfriend in a habitual basis (like 4x/week). She says that occasionally she feels like she really wants to do it but most of the time, she feels like her BF is just compelling her to do so. However, she said that she gives it to her BF because both of them can benefit from it. To quote her, “Sex is so delicious!” Who can tap that?!

This is a reality and desolately, I don’t think that this can be eradicated. Sex is available in all the nooks and crannies. You can see prostitutes right outside school, in the Internet, everywhere! 

I’m not saying this because I’m some freakin’ saint but I am saying this because sex is actually triggered by some factors like peer pressure. If you had a classmate, for example, who talks almost everyday about her sex adventures and elicit affairs, and how amazing they are, wouldn’t you be curious and tempted? I know I am.

Of course, I also want to have sex! That’s the truth and it kills me. But here’s the thing, I want sex to be something that is not just some kind of food to satisfy a hungry stomach. If you have an itch to scratch, do you easily find a way to scratch it? I get it. What we lack is self-control.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not some kind of anti-sex activist. In fact, I am in favor of PMS. I sincerely think that sex is healthy and that it’s plays a very vital role in the development and production of our hormones. It’s just that if ever you decide to do PMS, it has to be with someone you are emotionally attached with. Just imagine every inch of your body being caressed by a person whose name you don’t even know (talking about one-night stands). And you explode in excitement.—Isn’t it a little, shall I say, disreputable?

Wow! I feel like I’m a minister or something. But seriously, the next time you plan to have sex, try to think not just twice but a hundred times over before doing the act.