Carry On

It’s been three days. Honestly, I wasn’t physically busy but mentally, I was. I have been engrossed and pre-occupied with all the school stuff going on. But nothing can ever really totally stop me from blogging. I mean, I can pause but stop? Oh no, never.

So what has been up during the last three days, huh? Oh well, more like the usual except the fact that I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately. But I have read somewhere that pressure is self-inflicted. And I agree. It’s just how you see things. So I won’t let it eat me up. *Grace under pressure*

Okay. So last Wednesday I was supposed to go to class to watch Schindler’s List but I decided to be with my classmates instead. See, we have this musical play we’re working on right now and we are training some people, more like grooming them to be fit for the play. However, midterm exams will be next week already and I had to watch the film badly or else, I am gonna be so dead. So I went out today and bought a copy of the film. Guess what? Omigod I cried like a baby! It was so touching.

Anyway…today I watched this local movie about dream boys. Can’t help but think, what is my dream boy? I said it would be the whole package. He has got to be good-looking, physically fit, witty, fun to be with, and pretty much the one who would be my knight in shining armor…the one who would be there to help in my dire need and just sweep my off my feet and I would be the typical teenage girl who would be head-over-heels in love with him. But what if he won’t come? Did you ever think of that? Actually I just realized it now. Maybe I would be alone in my life. Drowning myself in success and all the world’s glamour but he wouldn’t be there to share it with me.

Let’s take it straight to the point once and for all. Sometimes when I’m all alone I still think about us ending up together. C’mon! You know who I’m talking about. I know you might say that it’s so 2000 and late but yeah, I can’t forget about us. It was perfect, every bit of it. I miss his hand lingering on my shoulder as I lead him somewhere or when the two of us are strolling in the malls, with our hands locked. I still long for his sweet lips against mine. I miss going to his house and I’m sure he also misses going here at my home. I miss his mom and his grandmother’s cooking. And most of all, I miss talking about the future with him- how we would name our children and how we would want to raise them. There hasn’t been a day where I didn’t think of him. But don’t get me wrong. I have moved on. I really have. Undoubtedly. But not just because I moved on it doesn’t mean I won’t be here when he changes his mind.

During the past years, he had a deal of relationships and I have had suitors of my own. But what’s strange is that I have never really committed into a serious relationship after ours ended. I also don’t know why. Part of it could be because I am scared to indulge myself again. Or could it be because I am still hoping for “us” to be revived? This is silly. I shouldn’t be writing about this. I shouldn’t be thinking of this to begin with.  Maybe after a couple of months when I read this again, I might just laugh out loud. But I am going to publish it anyway, it’s not that anybody reads my blog posts except myself.

You know what’s weird? Every time we are together, we act like we are together as in together kind of together. If you know what I mean. We hold hands, we look at each other straight in the eye and exchange sweet nothings. So what shall I do next? My friends would say, “Carry on”. And I do. I’m not really desperately hoping for us to be together in the future. That would make me a very pathetic person. But who knows? It’s not like we know what’s gonna happen in the future….so I’m gonna take it slowly but surely, step by step, savoring every part of it.