Miss Independent

I can’t help but feel so independent right now. My dad is working in Manila; yeah, actually he has been since the last six years. That leaves me, my sister and my mom here in our hometown but now, mom away as well, for a seminar, that is. No parents for one week! Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t really know. But I can sure feel all the pressure upon my shoulder since I am the eldest daughter and I have my younger sister to take care of plus our dog, Hugo who we also treat as our youngest sibling. I have the budget for everything. The food, car gasoline, contingency, everything! I am MISS INDEPENDENT.


I am charge. Have been for the past couple of years since I retain my stand as a person who can always stand up for what I believe in…but not to the point that I disobey my parents’ orders. Well, yeah, maybe yes sometimes. Now, where do I begin?


Today. Today is the first day of my midterm exams. I had one exam today and it is the most dreadful one. Yes, it’s the A-word. Advertising, taught by the slave driver (I would really want to put his name here but someone might google it and just find my blog as one of the search results, so never mind). I was like the third one to finish the exam not because I had all the answers but because I didn’t know the answers so why should I be hard and just end up stressing out myself, right?


Yesterday. I was out with my fave aunt…you sure know who she is. We went to the waxing store and ate our favorite spaghetti. Yum yum yum! We then hit two of the biggest malls in town. Oh, I just missed her! Haven’t went out with her for like two weeks! See, I don’t just see her as an aunt but rather as one of my BFF’s. I can tell her almost everything and she would be brutally frank about what she thinks about it. Talk about being honest. And when we were dining out at this fancy restaurant, I received a shocking text message. One of my cousins got arrested because of illegal possession of fire arms. Ugh! But I don’t really want to linger on this topic. I consider it as crap. Gibberish.


Gee whiz, I just remembered something. I haven’t studied a thing for the exams tomorrow. So, I think we should call it a day. Good night, dearie. You know what, maybe I should give you a name so that I could just say your name. Don’t worry, I’m going to think about it.

Carry On

It’s been three days. Honestly, I wasn’t physically busy but mentally, I was. I have been engrossed and pre-occupied with all the school stuff going on. But nothing can ever really totally stop me from blogging. I mean, I can pause but stop? Oh no, never.

So what has been up during the last three days, huh? Oh well, more like the usual except the fact that I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately. But I have read somewhere that pressure is self-inflicted. And I agree. It’s just how you see things. So I won’t let it eat me up. *Grace under pressure*

Okay. So last Wednesday I was supposed to go to class to watch Schindler’s List but I decided to be with my classmates instead. See, we have this musical play we’re working on right now and we are training some people, more like grooming them to be fit for the play. However, midterm exams will be next week already and I had to watch the film badly or else, I am gonna be so dead. So I went out today and bought a copy of the film. Guess what? Omigod I cried like a baby! It was so touching.

Anyway…today I watched this local movie about dream boys. Can’t help but think, what is my dream boy? I said it would be the whole package. He has got to be good-looking, physically fit, witty, fun to be with, and pretty much the one who would be my knight in shining armor…the one who would be there to help in my dire need and just sweep my off my feet and I would be the typical teenage girl who would be head-over-heels in love with him. But what if he won’t come? Did you ever think of that? Actually I just realized it now. Maybe I would be alone in my life. Drowning myself in success and all the world’s glamour but he wouldn’t be there to share it with me.

Let’s take it straight to the point once and for all. Sometimes when I’m all alone I still think about us ending up together. C’mon! You know who I’m talking about. I know you might say that it’s so 2000 and late but yeah, I can’t forget about us. It was perfect, every bit of it. I miss his hand lingering on my shoulder as I lead him somewhere or when the two of us are strolling in the malls, with our hands locked. I still long for his sweet lips against mine. I miss going to his house and I’m sure he also misses going here at my home. I miss his mom and his grandmother’s cooking. And most of all, I miss talking about the future with him- how we would name our children and how we would want to raise them. There hasn’t been a day where I didn’t think of him. But don’t get me wrong. I have moved on. I really have. Undoubtedly. But not just because I moved on it doesn’t mean I won’t be here when he changes his mind.

During the past years, he had a deal of relationships and I have had suitors of my own. But what’s strange is that I have never really committed into a serious relationship after ours ended. I also don’t know why. Part of it could be because I am scared to indulge myself again. Or could it be because I am still hoping for “us” to be revived? This is silly. I shouldn’t be writing about this. I shouldn’t be thinking of this to begin with.  Maybe after a couple of months when I read this again, I might just laugh out loud. But I am going to publish it anyway, it’s not that anybody reads my blog posts except myself.

You know what’s weird? Every time we are together, we act like we are together as in together kind of together. If you know what I mean. We hold hands, we look at each other straight in the eye and exchange sweet nothings. So what shall I do next? My friends would say, “Carry on”. And I do. I’m not really desperately hoping for us to be together in the future. That would make me a very pathetic person. But who knows? It’s not like we know what’s gonna happen in the future….so I’m gonna take it slowly but surely, step by step, savoring every part of it.

Yeild.

Oh well, you know what they say, "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it"…so I did. Instead of doing my homework, I stay hooked up to my Facebook account. Ugh! I blame my friends for having entertained me all those time.

                Anyway, today is like I don’t know.  Finally finished The Godfather. And oh! Omigod! I was able to watch Salt at noon. It was wonderful. I was very much entertained even if we disregard the fact that I am a huge fan of Angelina Jolie’s.  Salt is temptation number one. I initially planned to wake up early and finally do the homework but then Salt crossed my mind, I had to look for it online and there it was, a very clear copy. Lucky me! I just had to watch it because I am sure my teacher in my Film Appreciation class is going to talk about it. She loves to criticize movies. She always does. Yielded. Ugh!

                2^nd temptation, music. My sister brought me my favorite burger and so I ate. After which, I told myself that I’d listen to a few tracks I just downloaded last night. Instead of “a few”, I listened to “a number”. Oh, God! Yielded. Again. Ugh!

                Third. After I got home from the Theatre class, I got so tired I felt like treating myself with some chatting. Can’t help but chat with my friends the moment I knew they were online. Doing of homework postponed again. Yielded for the 3^rd time. Ugh, I just hate myself.

                So I finally started to do it at 11:30PM and I expected to finish it at 4:00 or something but I was able to finish it at 1:00. Great! Despite all the postponement, I was able to finish it. Yay, me! However, I apologize for writing such a lousy blog for today. Very lousy. But you can’t blame me. You have no idea how tired my fingers are because of typing. TTFN. Tomorrow is going to be the most beautiful day in the Universe. I’m rooting for Ms. Philippines, of course. You can do it, Venus Raj! Bring home the crown!

Cabbage Patch

And yes, it’s a Sunday. My body is free but my mind is consumed by several thoughts. Today was supposed to be a day for my family and for myself. Yeah, actually it kinda was but not 100%.

So let’s take it from the start to explain the rationale behind the title for my post today. When I was hearing the holy mass, I caught sight of an irresistibly adorable baby boy on a few pews further at my right. He looked exactly like my much coveted cabbage patch dolls. You know, plump and cuddly. He kept on playing with the hair of his nanny. He turned from his mom to his nanny from time to time and intermittently sipped milk from his Avent feeding bottle. With that, two speedy random thoughts hurried into my mind. First, I want to have a baby exactly like him. Second, I want to have a cabbage patch doll.

Me-having-a-baby thing would be ridiculous for now. It is. But I would die to have a cabbage patch looking kid in the future, maybe after 10 years or so, or maybe when I’m 32. As for the doll part, I’ve been wanting to have a cabbage patch doll since two years ago but to no avail. It’s not available here in the Philippines and I can’t think of anyone to buy it for me. But mark my word, I’m gonna have my own CP doll in two years by hook or by crook. I swear to all the saints in heaven.

***

And now my mind is consumed by school stuff. Our professor who is more like a slave driver just gave us the longest and the most challenging homework in the history or the human race. It’s gonna be due two days from now but I won’t make it until two hours before the class. You know me. I LOVE PRESSURE!!! It is during those critical moments where I feel my brain matter being squeezed to give out the oozing juice of knowledge. Surreal? I know! If some people think that doing chores beforehand would make their work better, I think otherwise.  I have been doing that practice since I can’t remember when. A friend of mine even gave me a flattering remark by saying that I am the epitome of a woman who inhabits ‘grace under pressure’. Aaaaahh, heavenly. But actually, it’s just some sort of a defense mechanism. I tend to look better by putting some make-up on and fixing my hair in a glamorous frenzy every time I feel that I’m pressured. Let’s see about that this time when it seems that everything seems to just pile up in my mind. But I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

The pressure is on, bring it!!!

Word for the day: "boring"

       BORING!!! --This statement can fundamentally sum up everything that has happened to my day. You know what they say, “Boredom kills”, but don’t fret.  I can definitely cope up with boredom. You’ll see.

       Our day begins the minute we open our eyes in the morning and realize that it’s a new day. We rise and become aware of the fragrant morning dew filling up our nostrils. And then goes our early morning rituals. Like most people I know, I pray before leaving my bed. Yes, even before I go to the toilet to pee, wash my face or whatnot. So then I prayed for a beautiful day ahead of me, that I will be able to discover new things, and make up for the wrongdoings of yesterday. Little did I know that it was going to be a drag.

       Right after I prayed and peed and everything, my mom told me the big news: there had been a power outage in our area. What a good way to start my day. I was initially planning to iron my hair and put a little make up on but what can I do? Plan abort. I went to school at 10am in my everyday-look for the continuation of our Journalism workshop. To say it was boring would be an understatement. It lasted for several hours which can be equated to several hours of plain boredom. I did everything I can to keep up. I intermittently pinched myself, made fun of other people’s clothes, and tinkered with my phone just so that I wouldn’t fall asleep. Visualize that! But believe it or not, there was something good in it. We were tasked to make an article about a landmark here in the city and not to show off but we did ‘quite’ well. We were even challenged to develop it into something more appealing to readers and it might be published in a famous national magazine. Well of course, my friends and I are up to the challenge. We will be taking our chances, after all, we’ve got nothing to lose. *** Just a thought: it might really feel great to have the bragging rights of seeing your byline in a national publication, don’t you think???*** Double ugh ugh! I am keeping my fingers crossed.

       That’s not just it. After the workshop I called my mom to ask her where she and my little sister were since they would usually just spend the whole day in one of the malls and naturally, I wanted to join the fun. But, no. I ended up waiting for her to end a meeting at her office. It ended at around 8:30pm. All those hours waiting for her? Excruciating! But not quite. My sister and I found a way so somehow ease up the boredom. I got my camera from the car and we took several shots, mostly gibberish and irrelevant but who cares? Waiting for mom wasn’t that agonizing after all. And yes, after today I can proudly say that I can conquer boredom. We all can if we want to. 

Yes, I'm Back on Track.

       Okay, so It's been what, six months since I last posted here? What a shame! I apologize...have been very busy and got caught up with all the ordeals life has been throwing at me.


       But what was it that reminded me of my blog? Oh, well, we had this journalism workshop this afternoon at school and it touched a little about blogging. You know, how it's not considered as a form of journalism. Ms. Pinky Colmenares said it isn't simply because anyone can make a blog post without being trained for it. Well, honestly I'm still feeling 50-50. She has a point but at least, my skills get honed every time I post a blog, right? And by the word "skills" I mean my journalistic, typing, vocabulary and a lot more. So yes, I'm so back to the blogging world! Even though I may not be able to write every night like I used to when I was in high school, the point is, I still write and that's what matters. I don't really see myself being a journalist someday but I honestly think that writing is one of the things I'm good at. 

        But let's cut the crap! Today I watched The Godfather, inspired by our lesson about epic films in my Film Appreciation class. My dad bought an original VCD for me a couple of years ago but I haven't actually had the courage to watch it because a lot of people say it's boring but when I actually watched it myself, I realized something. It really is boring, after all!!! Hahahaha...just kidding! It's a story about mafia and how they ruled the upper east side. A very unique story about a family. A story about revenge. I will surely recommend it to my friends and even lend them a copy. 

       Another thing. My sister and I had a fight today. But I don't really want to talk about it. Sibling rivalry? Uggh! Totally killing me!

        That's it for today! Hope I can post something again tomorrow...Hasta lavista!