Baptism by fire

When I was a teenager, my Chemistry teacher instilled in me the capabilities of water as a universal solvent.

As a gradeschooler, water, on top of being a daily necessity for hydration, served me well as a disinfectant. It helped me wash my wounds clean and remove the impurities in my hands each time I was about to have a meal.

It all goes back to my childhood days, when I was led to believe that water is the ultimate sacramental sign of new birth. My Christian parents and godparents once showered water on my forehead when I was a baby, as a sign of a blessed new beginning.

I just had a new beginning for the nth time; but the rebirth has been unconventional. I call it 'baptism by fire.'

Thus, my recent paradigm shift began.

It was my baptism of flaming ink that coerced me to recognize myself and my fate. So now I am ablaze in this baptism, just as my passion- burning.

As what an old Ashanti proverb says, "Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set light."

Hence, there was no need to light a match or rub two rocks to be able to create fire through intense friction. There was already a spark in me. The old flame was just reignited and morphed to burn even brighter than it already was.

The first weeks were hard. Damn hard!!!

In fact, there were times I felt like screaming.

I got that uneasy feeling where my throat had spasms. I just amplified that feeling by swallowing back the scream; taking and digesting it all back again.

That thing in the pit of my stomach squeezed up like a fist and made it hard for me to breathe.

I felt like a blind person who was trying to so hard to figure things out and make my way through even if everything was pitch-dark. I had to learn new processes and comprehend seemingly unfathomable jargons on my own with very little help from the people around me.

I didn't know how I was going to survive but surprisingly, I got by.

I told myself there was no way things will worsen each day. There was no way but to learn from my mistakes; and just like that, each day just kept getting better from the last.

That was all part of the learning process, I guess. After all, even gold, one of the most precious minerals is also tested by fire.

I am so grateful that I have been learning a lot lately and each day is a slap-on-the-face realization that makes me regret and question my past decisions. I should have done this a long time ago. After all, this is really what I wanted to do.

What I have right now is a far cry from what I used to have and where I used to be a couple of months back. Sure, my old office became my second home (or even my first) and I have made really valuable relationships with colleagues whom I already regard as family.

It was just about time to move on, though, and spread my wings to reach greater heights and see a broader horizon. Life isn’t life if you just float through it.

I knew I just had to move forward no matter what happens. That is the universal law and that is the moral of my story. I told myself that I am supposed to find the things that matter, hold on to them, fight for them and never let them go.

The challenges I have undergone may seem to burn me out but the baptism forced me to accept the fact that life has never even given me any choice in this matter.

I just had to discover exactly what that meant.

It probably means I was meant to do greater things… or probably not. Who knows? It's not like we know what's going to happen in the future.

Nevertheless, I keep reminding myself that I just walked forward. I did not walk away, and I never will.