It was revealed to me like an apocalypse.
I have defied my parents in ways that some of you can never even
imagine but last Saturday’s turn of events verified one thing: I definitely
have a conscience.
It was a revelation not only because I was able to prove to my mom and
many others that I am a conscience-driven person but I consider it as such
because significantly, I have confirmed for myself that I still have that inner
force which guides me as I go through life no matter how tempting things can
get.
There are habits of mine which I am eager to give up but I admittedly find
it hard to do so. This month I have proven that I can live with the absence of
the things that I desperately coveted for so long. I’m sure many of us have
been through the whole need vs. want contrast thing and what my conscience
taught me was how to prioritize the first compared to the latter. Needless to
say, I already have all the things I need. I confess that there were times when
I felt that I was deprived of so many things but I discovered later on that the
deprivation I felt was nothing but a phantom. In short, it turned out to be just
another one of my self-inflicted pains that I was so abhorrent of.
“Give us this day our daily bread,” just like what is said in the
prayer that Jesus himself taught us, we are not supposed to be anxious about
tomorrow; rather, live one day at a time. But don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t
mean that we should quit dreaming and preparing for the future. It simply means
that sometimes, amidst all the odds, it helps to stop and smell the flowers.
When life is going too punitive, it’s your cue to step at the brakes. Take a
pause and breathe. And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.
No, I’m not idle. I’m just honored to say that I finally came to the
point when I already know how to juggle. Having two hands does not mean that
we’re only allowed to hold two things at once. Juggling, appropriately, I must
add, is the key. Not only was I able to know HOW to juggle but also know WHAT
to juggle. We may not always go for what’s best for us that is why it helps to
listen. Hearing how other people define us and what they want us to be is a far
cry from listening to our own hearts to properly define ourselves and find out
what we really aspire to be.
And so, as I went back to bed last Saturday night, I thanked God for
giving me conscience and the maturity to know how to follow it.
So maybe that’s why it’s spelled that way-- con + science… neither you
nor me can impeccably expound on what conscience is really all about. Even
science cannot elucidate conscience. All we know is that it is a whispering
voice that tells us what to do and what not to do but in the end, we still call
the shots because the verdict is still ours to make.
